Sunday, 17 May 2009
Today marks the fourth anniversary of my mum's death. I can barely believe it has been four years, it still feels so very new and raw.
This picture of my mum and dad with Alex when he was about two, was taken just a few short months before she passed away, we had no idea. She was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma (cancer of the plasma cells) and died a couple of months later. It was fast, shocking and totally unbelievable. She was only 58 and one of the fittest and healthiest people I knew. It has left me a different person to who I was before. In some ways good; I endeavour to take nothing for granted, make the most of every moment, and appreciate the little things. In some ways bad; I constantly feel like the rug is going to be pulled from under me yet again, at any time, I worry so much more and sometimes feel very cynical.
Adrien was still in my tummy when she died, so they never got the chance to meet, but she is still a very big part of our lives, and he talks of her like he knows her.
This is very difficult for me to write, but I thought it important to me to acknowledge this day in this way as a way of healing, as opposed to previous years where I have tried to ignore the day, and try to carry on a normal.
We want to spend this day, remembering, celebrating and having fun. That's all she would ever have wanted.